It’s no secret that couples or marriage therapy is an investment in time, money, emotions, and energy. So when writer Mickey Goodman asked, “how can couples can get the most out of therapy?”, some ideas immediately popped into my head.
Head over to Woman’s Day to read: 30 Things Marriage Therapists Want You to Know
A group of experts provided some sage advice such as:
Your therapist doesn’t have to be just like you.
Remember that change takes time.
Don’t bring your partner to me to fix.
Below are 4 tips that I contributed to the conversation:
Things are going to get bumpier before they get better.
In therapy, we’re going to shift the system and peel back the couple’s layers before healing can begin. It’s the therapist’s job to manage the pace so it doesn’t get too bumpy or scary.
Don’t wait until therapy is the last resort.
Come when there is still room for negotiation and neither partner has “checked out”. It’s just like hiring a personal trainer. You need to do it before you have major health issues and it’s an uphill climb.
Own your part of the process.
Sometimes one spouse is looking for a way out and wants me to tell them it’s okay. As a therapist, I don’t play into that. If you want out, tell your partner. Don’t rely on me.
It’s okay to go to counseling alone.
Even if your spouse isn’t ready or willing to go to counseling, it’s still beneficial to go alone. It’s like a bike: If you change one cog, things are going to happen differently. The same applies to couples: If one person changes his or her coping skills, it shifts the system.
I hope this is helpful for anyone that is considering giving relationship therapy a try.
If your relationship is in on the rocks, or you simply feel there is room for improvement, please contact me for a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if I’m a good fit for you. I’ll gladly answer all your questions.
